Parenting According to Matthew 7:5

It's been a rough week for me. As I mentioned in my first post, Devon's heading off to college, round two. I should have realized the mounting tension over the summer... The desire I had for a perfect transition between home and dorm, childhood and adulthood, life as a single mom to life as a single person... Had I really thought any of it through?

I said to a friend the other day, 'I will contend that for parents who are intentional in their role, some of the toughest years of parenting a child are the first few that they aren't one anymore'. No one warned me of this! In all the books I've read, conversations I've had, workshops I've been to (I was a "Parent Resource Coordinator" at one time, for Pete's-sake!) no one ever said, "Gosh, when Devon gets to be 19-20, you're going to have to figure out how to help him finish growing up in the areas he didn't, while recognizing all the areas he is now good to go, and honoring him as a grown-up, but still maturing... And as someone who is amazing and always has been, but is inexperienced and inherently naive by lack of years on the planet, but be sensitive to his increased autonomy... Oh, and you're going to have to do this all long distance, over the phone, talking only once every week or so and since your still going to be single by that time - then your still going to have to be doing it by yourself". Uhmm, how the heck to you still parent an adult anyway?!! No one told me this!!!

Well, Devon and I went back and forth on some hard stuff this week, and his natural lack of experience combined with my lack of understanding came together like a piece of fresh meat in a pool of piranha! We we're the meat.

Finding that balance in parenting an adult, or more accurately - not finding it, all culminated into a major melt-down for me. I had tried everything I knew to do to help Devon in a particular area and I felt like none of it had worked... So, yup - the melt down was the ugly helpless kind, where joined with the tears and snot soiling the pillow that was stuffed in my face as I attempted to pull it together, but couldn't - I had reached the end of myself. And wouldn't you know it, it was at my wit's end that my 'child' sidled up next to me forcing his arm between the wall I was convulsing against and my back, and pulled me towards him - to comfort me. I was helpless and melted right into him. My heart was completely raw, and soft and open, which was when God's work began. Devon proceeded to confess his wrongs, and was genuine and humble. Then he said the word that stung - "TOGETHER"... "Let's do it together". Essentially, instead of doing it for him, or showing  or teaching him... He wanted us to do what I was asking him to do "together", so that he could learn.

It was like a knife in my heart, but not a bad thing... The knife was painful but cleansing. It was God saying "Yeah, you missed the boat, but now you get it." It was in that moment I realized I don't know anything about 'togetherness'. I have always done for, or shown how, or at best, worked on a team. But what does together really mean anyway? Well to be honest, I have no idea. I've never been married, and I haven't really seen what together looks like. I mean, we can put a puzzle together, or walk down a path together, or go to a show together, but together as in partnership? I'm wet behind the ears - but ready to learn.

Matthew7:5
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.